File a Report
By H. A. Eugene

One warm summer evening a boy had the bejeesus scared out of him by an object hovering in the night sky that was bigger than the mountain it loomed over, and emanated a glow from which came an inexplicable warmth that supplanted his initial fear with a strange sense of well-being and joyous desire to share this weird, oogly experience with somebody; anybody; and so he burst through the open doors of the nearest night watch, where the officer on duty set a stack of paper forms before the boy and asked him to further describe this hovering thing, which the boy called a great and wondrous levitating rod of fire that glowed orange but also goldand thenblue, depending on how long you stared at it and what direction it pointed; but the officer only heard fire, direction, and pointed, and demanded to know what manner of weapon this was; and when the boy said no weapon, the officer leaned further across his desk and growled young man, we are at war, and when the boy mumbled something inscrutable about colors and feelings, the officer demanded he tell which side of the tracks he lived on, who his parents were, who his uncles were, who his aunts, his cousins, friends, classmates, and teachers were; and so the boy said, all you have to do is just stick your head out the window and look over there, to which the officer of the night watch replied are you threatening me? to which the boy said no; but by then it was apparent that at some point in the past this person had either too much bejeesus scared out of him, or not enough; in any case, this person was already quite afraid and had absolutely no interest in having his mind changed; and so the boy left that pile of paper and backed away from that desk as the officer stared him down head to toe; and after running out the building giggling into that warm summer night, the boy looked up into the sky, and sure enough, there itwas, atop the mountain, that weird, oogly thing, all orange and gold and blue at the same time; only now it’s landed, and bizarre indescribables oozed from pores on the vessel’s skin and rolled down the mountainside toward their sleeping town; but the boy, he could only laugh contentedly, with nothing left to do but skip home to wake his family and tell them the actual truth: that everything is fine.